You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
