Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
