Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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