thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My ass is underappreciated
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize