You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My liver just had a heart attack.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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