SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
we should paint friendship bongs
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