She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
