worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
did i walk over a car last night?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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