The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
