She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
