1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
