I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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