But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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