How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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