Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
