Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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