When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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