Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
