At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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