I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
