How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
