it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just pee around me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize