the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
