As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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