my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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