some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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