Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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