also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Say something about gay babies.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
