Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
