you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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