as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
it glows. i had to have it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i need some magic done to my vagina
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
