What did we do last night that was yellow?
Your dad touched me again.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
