My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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