Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Two words: blizzard sex
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
