I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Floor bacon is actually really good
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
