we have officially lost it.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
