I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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