im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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