My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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