i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
