I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
