I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
These tits shall not be calmed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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