im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
