he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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