he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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