Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize