I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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