I cockslap morals
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Randomize