careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
