I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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