I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Randomize
