She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
