im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
