He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
