i think i have herpe
just one?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
