I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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