Where is the hickey?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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