dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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