I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
