Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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