just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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