is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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