After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
