WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
