That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
