Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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