Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
True strength comes from lack of pants
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize