y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
