If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
