Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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