you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
People in love make me want to vomit
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
