just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
