I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
