Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
