Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize