yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
