I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
