I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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