Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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