He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
