My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
