Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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