I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
