he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You dont lie about slip and slides
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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