I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
