i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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