high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
