In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
